Zach (radiojetradio) wrote,

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people are retarded

Yeah, I just had alot of stuff written, but accidently deleted it. Alright. I wish someone that I hadnt hung out with in a long time would just call, even if its just to see whats going on. I feel like that would help me feel alot better. I dont know why. It just bothers me to feel like Ive lost friends. Today I saw Mrs. Estell at work. I talked to her for a little bit. She helped me alot in 10th grade and I really appreciate it. She told me if I ever needed anything, be it a recomendation or if I just need someone to talk to. I wish everyone that has taught me in high school could be like her. Someone who actually cared about the students.
I need to get out of feeling so crappy. I wish I hadnt done things to make people hate me. I feel like I bother almost everyone I come into contact with. I mean, I really wish I wasnt so annoying. Why do I have to be this way? I really dont want to. And I try so hard to be a really nice person, and be cool to be around. But I just cant do it. Im so annoying, and so stupid, I dont even see what point I have on this planet. I serve no purpose. In the words of a famous poet, I am a "useless sack of shit". I wish I could be just a normal person that got along with everyone. If the saying Nice guys finish last is true, than Im probobly a really nice guy. I mean, Ive never won anything in my life except an honorable mention in a 5th grade art contest in the regional area. I still remember that, because it is still the only thing Ive won. And Im a really annoying guy, I bother everyone I come into contact with, and I serve no purpose on this planet. What is my problem? Why cant I just not suck so bad. Im so stupid. What did I do wrong in my life? What have I done to all of the people that hate me or think Im annoying? I have no bad intentions for anyone. I dont mean to annoy you, or be mean to you, or embaress you, or make you feel bad. I dont even notice myself doing it. But I really want to stop. I wish I could just make people happy. I wish whenever someone said my name, people could just say "oh that guy is so nice to everyone" or "that guy is the nicest person ever, hes an all around cool guy". But Im not. Im a terrible terrible person. Im really really sorry for crying and complaining about all of this. And I know its probobly just annoying you more. But Im really really sorry. I feel like I bother you. Like Im just that guy that people are nice to because they feel sorry for him. I wish I didnt annoy people so much. And I wish I was just an all around cool guy. I know you probobly think Im a whiny little bitch, but I cant do anything about it. Ive tried so hard to be nice and cool to everyone all the time, but I still just annoy people, and do bad things. I mean, I see people that dont appreciate the good things that have happened to them. Like they actually have a girl that they like alot, who likes them back, and then they cheat on them. Why would you do that? I would be so grateful if there was someone like that to me. I would feel so selfish if ever did that to anyone. And then those people that just like to play with other people's heads. Do you not realize what you are doing? You are fortunate enough to have people that like you, and you just like to make them feel like you appreciate it, but then blow it off. Its so stupid. I guess I have learned more than most people have from watching alot of people around them do this to each other. I hope I never turn into one of these people. Im really sorry. If you are reading this, Im most likely not talking about you. People like that would not acknowledge that I exist, let alone read all of my complaining. I really appreciate all of my friends so much. They have done so many nice things for me, I dont know how to show them that I really appreciate them. The only thing I can do is to try to be a nice person and a good friend. I really hope I do this. Anyway, Im really sorry for complaining and crying about all of this. But sometimes I just wish good things would happen. Like a random person would call me, or whatever. I appreciate things more than most people do. I guess thats how it ends up when you feel like nothing but bad things happen to you. But you turn out a better person. Ive learned to appreciate all of the good things in life. My parents, my friends, and some things that really mean alot to me. And I know I probobly seem really ungrateful, but Im really not. Im sorry to bother you. I really wish I didnt have to be a terrible person. Hopefully someday, Ill be a really good person. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Its good to have someone listen to you complain, and its nice to have a shoulder to cry on. And I appreciate you spending your time reading this when you could be doing something much better. Thank you. And Im sorry
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